Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
