i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
