I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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