i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we made out on top of his cat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she told me i tasted like america
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
