Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
