I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
