but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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