Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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