i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
