I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
