Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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