This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
