I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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