it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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