I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
