his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
