i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
