the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
