Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
