We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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