The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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