Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We have so much sex to catch up on
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
