I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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