best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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