Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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