dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
