the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
