we have officially lost it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I checked into jail on foursquare
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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