And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
