I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
