worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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