That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
