Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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