So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
