So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
