oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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