why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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