So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Alive.
So much puke
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
