It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
