I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
