you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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