Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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