he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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