Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
