i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
