'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
