Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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