just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wear drunk well.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
