I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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