I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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