Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
