Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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