Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
