Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
