can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
